PUT DOWN THE DONUT! Celebrity Fit Club is back!

By Matthew Kimura

Around the end of April, eight celebrities make their way to VH1 because they want a kick in the butt to lose some weight. These chosen eight come from very different backrounds–some are musicians, while others actors, while others have a part time spot on a late night talk show–but they now all have one thing in common: membership to Celebrity Fit Club. So crack open a can of Slim Fast and bust out the box of Nutrigrain bars, we have ourselves a brand new season!

If you aren’t familiar with how CFC works, it’s pretty simple. There are two teams, each consisting for four members. Each member will be given a weight loss goal for the end of the season, and will also have to keep watch over his/her weight throughout the course of the program by tracking their meals and workouts in a journal. When you tune in every Sunday, everyone will be weighed on a big scale. The winning team is determined by who has lost the most weight from their starting weight. The big plot twist for this season is that the teams will be split up so the men go head to head against the women.

The men’s team consists of Dustin “Screech” Diamond, Cletus T. Judd, Warren G, and Ross Mathews (aka Ross “The Intern”).

The women’s team consists of Tiffany (singer of “I Think We’re Alone Now”), Da Brat, Kimberly Locke (took 3rd on American Idol in 2003) and Maureen McCormick (Marshy Brady).

The three members the panel that will advise the celebrities on their way to getting skinny (or having a meltdown…depending on if you know the history of the show then you know what I mean) will be:

Dr. Ian Smith—Has been on the previous few seasons of CFC; is the author and creator of The Smash Fat Diet, and is one heck of a nice guy.

Dr. Stacy Kaiser—She’s the brand new psychotherapist on the board, replacing Linda Popadakus. She seems to be more hard nosed than Dr. P, which I dig. Look for her to throw a verbal bitch slap at a few of the contestants this season.

Harvey Walden IV—Drill sergeant for the Marines. He has a line of fitness DVDs out, and probably wouldn’t smile if you showed him a cute picture of a dog in a shopping cart.

The episode started at a football stadium and the big eight were in a locker room changing into shorts and tshirts. A few of them made fun of a poster of Harvey, and then drew on it. Some drew him into a clown, while Ross wrote in a cartoon voice bubble “I love Ross”. When Harvey walked in, everyone stood up straight and looked like they had just gotten caught breaking curfew…everyone but Da Brat.

Da Brat stood up to Harvey and told him that she didn’t care what he said, and that he better be respectful to her and not yell at her because she won’t take it. They jawed back and forth for a while until Brat finally sat down. A few others in the locker room told Harvey that they wouldn’t talk like that to him. Then they started their first Fit Club Challenge, which consisted of four events: An obstacle course, the long jump, a 400m run, and then they had to run stairs for as long as they could.

Warren G stood out from the pack, breaking the CFC long jump record with 13’3”, and overall did really well with the other events. Da Brat ran her 400m run pretty hard, even flipping Harvey off a few times, but then threw up afterward. Maureen noted that it consisted of some sort of salad, and Ant said that he’d never seen someone throw up on the show before. Then came time for everyone to run the stairs. When Ross went to run the stairs, he gassed early, but then everyone joined him, to motivate him to keep going, as he went up one final time. Harvey said that it was moments like that that made him love his job.

At the weigh in room everyone was dressed to the nines and waiting to see who would go first. Ant then announced that Tiffany would be the first to weigh-in.

Tiffany’s first claim to fame was with her single “I Think We’re Alone Now”, and went on a tour of singing at malls around the country. She also tried to divorce her parents since they were alcoholics and weren’t being very supportive. Dr. Kaiser really wanted to focus on that point in her life, as Tiffany was a young woman going through very adult situations. I have a feeling she’ll be doing a whole lot of crying throughout the show, as she lets the skeletons out of her closet on national TV (nothing wrong with that, just a prediction).

Her starting weight: 152 lbs

Height: 5’5

Body Fat: 32.2 %

Target weight loss for next week: 4 lbs

For the end of the show: 25 lbs

Ross Mathews was next, and Ant noted that Ross’ claim to fame was the comedy that he provided on The Tonight Show. Unfortunately, his health is nothing to laugh about. He eats a lot and doesn’t exercise. In fact, Ross even said that he was a member of a local gym, and had been for three years…but only stepped foot in it eight times. When he stepped on the scale, he said that his main exercise routine consisted of him getting the mail. I had no idea who Ross was until today, but frankly, his voice cracks me up.

His starting weight: 214 lbs

Height: 6’

Body Fat: 32.2%

Target weight loss for next week: 4 lbs

For the end of the show: 30 lbs

Kimberly Locke stepped up to the scale next, and then a few clips ran from her run on American Idol. She said that she’d never been skinny before, and never really thought about that until she moved to California and saw how skinny the other women were. She wants that west coast body, so that’s why she signed up for CFC. Dr. Kaiser had mentioned Kim’s “addiction to pizza”, which may sound silly, but an addiction is an addiction, which can also come with withdrawls. Dr. Kaiser recommended that Kim stay away from pizza altogether for the show, and call if she thinks that she’ll break. Dustin then told her to just give in, which resulted in everyone shooting him a dirty look.

Her starting weight: 176

Height: 5′6″
Body Fat: 34.9%

Target weight loss for next week: 5 lbs

For the end of the show: 28 lbs

Ant called Dustin an instigator, and called him out to step on the scale. Dustin told the panel that he wanted to be the first on CFC to eat whatever he wanted, but still lose weight with a ton of exercise. Dr. Ian told him that the idea wouldn’t work because while he may look good, his heart and bloodwork would be terrible. Dustin mentioned how some smokers and scotch drinkers will outlive healthy people, and Dr. Ian said that they’re the exception, not the rule. After more barking back and forth between him and the panel, Dustin finally stepped on the scale.

His starting weight: 217 lbs

Height: 6’0

Body Fat: 28.8%

Target weight loss for next week: 5 lbs

For the end of the show: 33 lbs

Maureen McCormick was up next. Her home life sounded pretty rough since her acting on The Brady Bunch way back when. With the death of her mother recently, and her taking care of her handicapped brother, as well as her husband and kids, she turned to food, mainly sweets, for comfort. The more stressed she got, the more she ate. Although her life hasn’t really calmed much, she wants to take control of one aspect that she knows is hers: her body and health.

Her starting weight: 150 lbs

Height: 5’3”

Body Fat: 35.2%

Target weight loss for next week: 4 lbs

For the end of the show: 25 lbs

Warren G was called up after that. Warren came out with a few rap hits back in the 90’s (“Regulators” and “This DJ”) and in his heyday had a pretty lean physique. Now he’s kind of pudgy, and even his wife took notice of it. He wants to get his old body back not only for himself and his wife, but so that way when he gets older he can play with his kids and grandkids. Judging from the Fit Challenge they had at the beginning of the show, I’d say he’s on the right track…but we’ll see.

His starting weight: 221 lbs

Height: 6’3”

Body Fat: 22.3%

Target weight loss for next week: 5 lbs

For the end of the show: 33 lbs

We then went from one musician to another, as Cletus Judd stepped up next. Known as the funny man of country music, Judd’s had a pretty long and successful career. Unfortunately, as it goes with a lot of famous musicians, Judd got into a lot of drugs and bad habits. His doctor was amazed how he was still alive, as he had a drug problem and also weighed in at around 300 lbs. After he had his first kid, he straightened up by going clean and losing 90 pounds, although it was all lost due to not eating at all. Because of his eating problems, he can’t go into a grocery store without freaking out, and can’t keep food around his house because he’s that scared of ballooning back out.

His starting weight: 214 lbs

Height: 6’0

Body fat: 28.7%

Target weight loss for the week: 4 lbs

For the end of the show: 30 lbs

Finally, Da Brat made her way to the big scale. She’s the first female rapper to go platinum, with the hit “Funktified”, and moved to Atlanta when she made it big. With all of that good southern cooking (it’s good, but come on….they cook everything with butter), her waistline grew like her career did. She signed up for CFC so she could lose her big butt and look good in spandex swimsuits. She once again started to talk some smack to Harvey about how he shouldn’t be mean to her because she won’t take it. Nobody really raised their voice, though, as it was more bickering than anything else.

Her starting weight: 172 lbs

Height: 5’5”

Body Fat: 34%

Target weight loss for next week: 5 lbs

For the end of the show: 27 lbs

After everyone weighed in, both teams went to the big team scale to see who was lighter. Here are your numbers:

Men: 866 lbs

Women: 650 lbs

REMEMBER, the winning team isn’t the lightest…it’s the team that’s lost the most weight.

Until next week, lay off the Cheez-Its.

Catch Celebrity Fit Club every Sunday on VH1 at 9pm. Check your local listings for encores.

Celebrity Fit Club

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